A new chapter

         It’s always a little intimidating when a new chapter in my life is about to begin.  Since I was 14 my life has been broken up into little four year chapters. There were the four years of high school, with its ups and downs which at the time seemed so big and so important, but looking back probably didn’t matter all that much in the big scheme of things (although you couldn’t tell me that when I was 16). It was during high school though that I chose Proverbs 3:5-6 as the verses that I would cling to. Little did I know what a path His direction would lead me.

          After high school I had the four years of college. I made amazing friends and had a blast, whether it was cooking marshmallows over our apartment stove and sleeping in a tent in the living room with my roomies, staying up all hours of the night talking and laughing, climbing trees for date night, running across campus in my PJs. It was during my first year of college that I took a leap of faith believing that He would really lead me and that He was calling me to be a Physician.

          The end of college brought another new chapter. I moved back to Colorado and began Medical School. This is where the path got very steep. I can’t even begin to count the hours spend reading, studying, learning, and memorizing. During this chapter though, I married my best friend who has been my biggest support along the way. Time and time again, I had to go back and remind myself to put my trust in Him and allow Him to lead and direct me. I remember standing on match day holding the envelope in my hands that would tell me where I would spend the next four year chapter of my life.

          And now I stand at the end of the residency chapter. It’s been an even steeper and more challenging road then I ever thought possible. I’ve worked more 80+ hour weeks, seen the sun rise out the ambulance bay window as I rushed by too many mornings to count. I started residency with an MD behind my name, and over the last four years that MD has become a part of me. I don’t know when it happened, was it the first medication that I wrote for (ibuprofen 600mg by mouth), or was it the first patient I pronounced (time of death, 1836)? Was it the first baby I delivered in the Emergency Room, or was it the first time that I had to tell the parents of a 12 week old that their little girl had died? Was it the first chest I helped crack and pump the heart by hand willing the young man back to life? Or was it when I was first a patient and it was my own newborn son who was critical and in the ICU with tubes and lines sticking out of everything? It was probably through all of that. As I fought extreme physical and emotional exhaustion, I went from trusting to just clinging and hanging on. And now that chapter has come to a close. On Saturday I’ll see my last patient, stamp my last chart, give my last signout and walk out of the Emergency Department that has been my home for the last four years. On Monday I’ll walk into a new Emergency Department and see a new set of patients.

          For the first time, this new chapter doesn’t have a time span. But I do know, that once again, there is One who will direct me each step of the way. I hope to use this to share and journal my thoughts, experiences, joys and adventures along the way.